Not an Evergreen

It was while she was taking her morning shower that she noticed a huge bottle standing in the corner, a bottle of something that you certainly should not use while showering. A Very Dangerous Bottle of Chemicals, which make even hair dissolve in a couple of minutes. “What if my feet disappear before I’m done?” - that’s what crossed her mind. To be precise, what terrified her most was not the perspective of her feet disappearing before she was ready, but of her feet disappearing at all. 

Not the most likely scenario, everyone would admit, but then again - a panic attack is not directly proportional to the likelihood of the scenario. Happy are those who don’t understand what I mean. She had cancer every time she googled her symptoms, her house was being broken into each night she was in it alone, fires outburst whenever she was in a busy concert hall, ghost drivers always emerged when she was on the highway too - all those things were nor exactly happening, nor really likely, nevertheless she always  considered them an option. If one misses spatial imagination whatsoever - one must have an overflow of a different type.  In her case it was an extraordinary richness of the doom-scenario-reservoir. 

So there in that shower she imagined her husband had filled the shower tray with the contents of the Very Dangerous Bottle of Chemicals, she had not noticed that and stepped into the highly corrosive bath. Originally the chemicals were poured in there in order to dissolve all the obstructions in the water flow, including her own hair. Especially her own hair. If you’d got so far in this post, you’re probably a very empathetic individual, for which I would like to thank you. You know, it was autumn, the days were short, she missed the sunlight and warmth, and she realised once again that she was no evergreen. In fact she was never-green, which meant she was losing hair all year round, with peaks in autumn and in spring. 

A bottle of Very Dangerous Chemicals can damage your hair, too, but this time they got to her feet. She never went to the extremes of standing on her head in the shower. If she wanted to wash her hair, she simply just placed her head under the streaming water.

She didn’t feel anything at her lower extremities, and could still actually see her feet, which would have reassured anyone. Not her, though, as she possessed just that extra bit of imagination which told her that the chemicals might have had a paralysing effect on her nervous system, and that was the reason she wasn’t feeling anything. “If I had to miss my feet, then, given the choice, I would have preferred not to be able to see them, but still experience their working” - she thought. - ”Of course, that would have deprived me of the extraordinary pleasure of seeing my feet in beautiful new shoes, but all in all that’s a small price to pay for being able to walk as one did before”. She did admit to herself that the whole idea of her feet being dissolved by chemicals at that very moment was quite unlikely, but one must think about something in the shower, especially if one is used to thinking about things all the time. Additionally, the huge bottle in the corner confirmed the suspicion. “There must be a reason it is here. The Very Dangerous Chemicals must have been in contact with the shower tray, and probably are still lingering on in here, if not in liquid then at least in gas form. Even if they are not currently dissolving my feet, they are probably filling my lungs with cancer-to-be” - lacking any spatial direction, here’s the direction that her thoughts were going. 

The whole problem comes from not having any other issues to worry about combined with an excessively theoretical approach to life. All the things that might have happened, plus all the disasters and misfortunes that fall on others, friends or total strangers. Had she had a more practical approach to life, she might have taken that shower quickly, without noticing the looming danger in the corner, then swiftly proceeded to preparing lunch or sweeping the floor, whatever. Unfortunately, that was not an option anymore. The sight of the Very Dangerous Chemicals has already brought about a cascade of immediate disasters, long-term side effects and fatal consequences, including the doubt if God really existed. All that made her feel restless in the shower, unable to proceed to the practicalities of life, such as dressing up, preparing lunch or sweeping the floor. All that became totally meaningless. She just had to find the proofs that her feet, and God, were still there. 

She didn’t see God. Perhaps he got dissolved by Very Dangerous Chemicals at the morning Big Bang. 
“If I had to miss God, then, given the choice, I would have preferred not to be able to see him, but still experience his workings. Just like my feet after their dissolution”.

Suddenly, she lightened up. Things were exactly the way they should. They always were. It’s only the certitude that got dissolved by dangerous chemicals once in a while.